


The Light Behind Your Eyes

by YukiRiikus_Reading_Room



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst Dean Winchester, Canonical Character Death, Destiel - Freeform, Drinking, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Guardian Angels, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Implied Sabriel, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-17
Updated: 2013-01-17
Packaged: 2017-11-25 19:19:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/642158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room/pseuds/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean hates for anyone to see him vulnerable, let alone cry.  But when they lose Bobby, Dean's forced to admit that even he needs comforted sometimes, even if he'll only tell Cas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Light Behind Your Eyes

Dean had never been one for soul-sharing or chick flick moments.

Whenever Sam started to look the least bit emotional, his brother always listened like a good big brother should, but never shared how he was feeling.  At least, not with Sammy.  He could always tell when Dean was hurting by the constant companion of whiskey never more than arms length away.

And now they’d lost Bobby.

There was no amount of whiskey that was going to make this better, but Dean didn’t seem to care.  He just kept trying.  One day he wasn’t just going to drown his emotions, Sam knew, he was going to drown himself as well. 

When Dean asked him to leave, to call Gabriel and ask him to comfort him because he knew he couldn’t, he didn’t fight it.  He could tell Dean was hurting even if he wouldn’t say it, that he wanted to be alone so he could show it.

Sam couldn’t stop himself from hugging him on his way out the door.

Dean barely kept himself contained until Sammy shut the door, finally allowing himself to break down completely.  Cursing he threw the bottle at his elbow at the wall, fisting his hands in his hair as sobs wracked his body.

He wasn’t surprised when he looked up to find Castiel watching him, that same characteristic blank look on his face as he knelt in front of him.  He would have been lying if he said he wasn’t surprised when the angel took both of his hands in his and squeezed. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.”  Cas said softly, his gravel voice a comfort to the grieving hunter.  Dean shrugged off his words, trying to pull away.  “Don’t do this to me of all people.  I’ve been watching over you for most of your life.  When I’m not here, when its just Sam, I can’t stop you from pretending nothing effects you.  I know you’re in pain, you don’t have to be strong for me.”

“If you know all that then why did it take you so long to come?  Huh?”  Dean snapped, shoving Cas away from him.  Walking to the fridge he opened it, muttering under his breath.  It was easier for him to be angry, Castiel knew that.  It was easier for Dean to rage at him than deal with the aching loss of the man that was closer to him than a father.

“I wanted to be the one to shepherd Bobby’s soul into Heaven.”  Dean turned to look at him, pure disbelieve and agonizing pain in his face.  For once, he didn’t look distant and inhuman.  Dean hadn’t even noticed when the angel started to cry, staring now at the tears slipping down his face onto the collar of his coat.  “Someone had to do it.  I figured you’d rather it was me than some nameless, faceless angel you’ve never met.  I wanted to make sure he knew how much you loved him… he said to salt and burn his body as soon as you can, and that he’s sorry he never told you before he died outright how much you meant to him.”

He wasn’t sure why he thought it would help ease the pain, but as Dean trapped Castiel against the wall and lowered his mouth over the angel’s, for a moment the white noise in his brain quieted.  For a second, the pain abated, the pressure on his chest eased.  As he pulled back, he swallowed against the salt on his tongue and vaguely wondered if he was tasting his own tears or the angel’s.

“I never understood what loss was until I met you.  You’re the first thing both Earthly and angelic that’s ever brought me pain.  You’re the first thing I’ve ever been afraid of losing.”  Cas said softly, his breath ghosting against Dean’s ear as the hunter crumpled into him.  Dean’s sobs shook both of them, the angel’s hands gentle as they ran up and down his back, one pressing constant pressure into the small of his back to keep him standing.  “I know you won’t want to talk about it, about Bobby or Jo or Ellen… but know that I’m here.”

“But why?”  Dean pulled back, wiping his tears away as he stared down into those mesmerizing blue eyes.

“I’ve always cared about you.  It was impossible to watch over you for so long without feeling anything.”  His smile was gentle, his hand ever more so when he ran it through Dean’s hair fondly.  “There’s a great darkness before your feet, Dean Winchester.  It’s full of all the sadness and grief you never show, and even now I can feel it threatening to swallow you.  But I’m here to keep your fire burning, to keep your light from going out.”

“How do you know there’s light in me?”  Dean asked, his eyebrows knitting together.  “How can you have more faith in me than I do?”

“I can see your light whenever you look at me, shining behind your eyes.  I can feel it when you smile or take my hand, or pull me into your arms.  When you kiss me, it scalds me, and I wouldn’t trade that feeling for the world.”  When they kissed again, Dean didn’t even try to stop the tears from falling. 

As Castiel picked him up, Dean sighed into his touch.  Neither of them said anything, but both knew it was a milestone, that he was finally - even in such a small way - letting someone else bear the weight crushing down on him.

“I will never let the light in you go out.”  Castiel whispered against his skin as they stretched out across the bed, Dean pillowing his face into the angel’s neck grief overtook him, as the exhaustion finally overwhelmed him.  “I’ll protect you, no matter what.”

“Will you stay with me tonight?”

**Author's Note:**

> This was very much influenced by the song 'The Light Behind Your Eyes' (and written on the same day the song dropped, actually).


End file.
